non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
