woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
