I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we're so committed to being not committed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
