i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
