You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
