hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
