1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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