R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
