A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
