about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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