physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
