i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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