I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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