Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
