u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Are we still banned from the library?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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