So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
