My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
