I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
do herpes really smell.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
