I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
