She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
