I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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