Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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