My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
