I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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