So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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