i need an iv and a liver transplant
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
