Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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