Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
