it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
