Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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