you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
