how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
is that a dick in a sweater?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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