Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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