I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
false alarm, still single
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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