Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
