so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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