im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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