I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
