Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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