It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How external is "for external use only"?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
