Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
