Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
