I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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