i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
