You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
