im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.