Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You know how us drunks love counting steps

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  (636): I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom (636): You know how us drunks love counting steps http://tfl.nu/2dlf
  Replies (17) Good night (2701) Bad night (704)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?

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  (402): So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy? http://tfl.nu/0629
  Replies (44) Good night (6260) Bad night (1566)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..

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  (412): Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends.. http://tfl.nu/z85j
  Replies (9) Good night (5242) Bad night (1551)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass

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  (403): I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass http://tfl.nu/mda2
  Replies (17) Good night (3189) Bad night (2711)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.

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  (561): Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad. http://tfl.nu/jajh
  Replies (5) Good night (921) Bad night (5510)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now

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  (210): He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now http://tfl.nu/2tm5
  Replies (11) Good night (4586) Bad night (1057)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.

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  (902): He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them. http://tfl.nu/vfjc
  Replies (16) Good night (3624) Bad night (870)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.

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  (301): I feel like I just tasted lung cancer. http://tfl.nu/g1s0
  Replies (5) Good night (1258) Bad night (2583)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.

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  (515): You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it. http://tfl.nu/irby
  Replies (5) Good night (893) Bad night (2958)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.

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  (214): Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done. http://tfl.nu/4t9f
  Replies (4) Good night (1089) Bad night (604)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day

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  (701): When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day http://tfl.nu/f44m
  Replies (3) Good night (1036) Bad night (449)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family

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  (519): Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family http://tfl.nu/9fi5
  Replies (0) Good night (452) Bad night (846)
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  (585): View more from New York

  He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus

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  (585): He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus http://tfl.nu/4ztr
  Replies (3) Good night (740) Bad night (240)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome

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  (615): Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome http://tfl.nu/3imm
  Replies (1) Good night (658) Bad night (206)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted

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  (734): he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted http://tfl.nu/3ywr
  Replies (2) Good night (186) Bad night (514)

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