Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
