just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.