We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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