I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
FUCK WHALES
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
