dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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