I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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