For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
