And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
