so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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