Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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