I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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