Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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