He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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