Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
