If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
