Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize