We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All the doctor said was why
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
