We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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