is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
