Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
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I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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