this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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