Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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