ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
