I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
