Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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