mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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