my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
