How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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