So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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