There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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