two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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