He kissed a someone with a penis
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is Oprah even human
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
